Google came to an abrupt halt in its usefulness this morning by locking down all links to websites.
It uses some numbers and stuff to predict which sites contain naughty files and things that could jump on your computer and dance about like a whorling dervish, thus rendering your efforts as effective as a jelly in a rainstorm. But some smart-arse in the updating department of Google – the company that only employs eggheads because they’re the only ones capable of running such a ‘happening enterprise’ – put a ’slash’ sign (that’s a / to you) where it shouldn’t have gone when they were re-running their numbers and the resultant carnage was manifested in every search result having a “This site may harm your computer” warning alongside it. And every link being annulled.
What a hoot, eh? Having someone manually update some numbers, adding a slash by mistake, and bringing down the web as we know it. It got me thinking: who else has had a slash at an inopportune moment?
1. Joseph Houston allegedly took a leak on a fellow concertgoer after trying to get backstage at a Metallica gig using some of his constable power. Hardly the behaviour of an upholder of the law. Imagine if Robocop had tried it on? His wanger would have rusted right up!
2. Microsoft have announced they’re slashing their workforce by 5,000. Right in the middle of the world’s worst ever recession. With Oreo’s at an all-time high at supermarkets worldwide. Let’s hope that figure was made up by one of their clever-as-toss executives, who probably executed ineptitude by substituting a decimal point with a comma. But let’s face it, even if the OS giant loses just 5.000 staff, it ain’t gonna have the might to see off Linux in the battle of next-gen desktop candy wars.
3. Apparently in the multiplayer deathmatch element of Half Life 2, you can kill adversaries by toilet. Aim your gravity gun at the porcelain throne, pull trigger, and kazam – ejected bowels ahoy!
4. Snakes on a Plane features a guy who is bitten on the cock by a snake while sitting on a bog.
5. Back in 1016, England’s Edmund II was stabbed repeatedly in the bowels while attending to his morning constitution in the shithouse.
And let’s not forget the origins of the phrase ‘taking the piss’, either. This hails from the Cock-er-ney expression “take the mickey bliss”, apparently a popular axiom in the 1930s and now abbreviated. Mickey is also cockney for cock. “Taking the cock piss” it is.
