Google came to an abrupt halt in its usefulness this morning by locking down all links to websites.

It uses some numbers and stuff to predict which sites contain naughty files and things that could jump on your computer and dance about like a whorling dervish, thus rendering your efforts as effective as a jelly in a rainstorm. But some smart-arse in the updating department of Google – the company that only employs eggheads because they’re the only ones capable of running such a ‘happening enterprise’ – put a ’slash’ sign (that’s a / to you) where it shouldn’t have gone when they were re-running their numbers and the resultant carnage was manifested in every search result having a “This site may harm your computer” warning alongside it. And every link being annulled.

What a hoot, eh? Having someone manually update some numbers, adding a slash by mistake, and bringing down the web as we know it. It got me thinking: who else has had a slash at an inopportune moment?

1.  Joseph Houston allegedly took a leak on a fellow concertgoer after trying to get backstage at a Metallica gig using some of his constable power. Hardly the behaviour of an upholder of the law. Imagine if Robocop had tried it on? His wanger would have rusted right up!

2. Microsoft have announced they’re slashing their workforce by 5,000. Right in the middle of the world’s worst ever recession. With Oreo’s at an all-time high at supermarkets worldwide. Let’s hope that figure was made up by one of their clever-as-toss executives, who probably executed ineptitude by substituting a decimal point with a comma. But let’s face it, even if the OS giant loses just 5.000 staff, it ain’t gonna have the might to see off Linux in the battle of next-gen desktop candy wars.

3. Apparently in the multiplayer deathmatch element of Half Life 2, you can kill adversaries by toilet. Aim your gravity gun at the porcelain throne, pull trigger, and kazam – ejected bowels ahoy!

4. Snakes on a Plane features a guy who is bitten on the cock by a snake while sitting on a bog.

5. Back in 1016, England’s Edmund II was stabbed repeatedly in the bowels while attending to his morning constitution in the shithouse.

And let’s not forget the origins of the phrase ‘taking the piss’, either. This hails from the Cock-er-ney expression “take the mickey bliss”, apparently a popular axiom in the 1930s and now abbreviated. Mickey is also cockney for cock. “Taking the cock piss” it is.

Before you ask, of course I built it that way…

I mean, to build a brand you have to be first. To take risks, right?

And my biggest risk is to alienate every reader that comes on by this charming collection of largely irrelevant posts.

It’s unfortunate enough for you that you landed here in the first place. To have comments purposefully disabled so you can’t tell me how much of your time I wasted is, well, enough to send even Solomon into apoplexic fits of rage!

I am of course referring to a ridiculous situation in which, when you post a comment, some mutant redirection ninja shows you the might of a 404 page which in turn means your comment won’t reach me.

Neat, huh?

Well I think it’ll catch on. I’ll probably do a video later showing you how to mess up your blog like I have. I really think this is the way for Web 4.0 – ignorant webmasters who don’t care what you think, but instead pour futile information down the neck of your monitor.

I’ll see how things go today. If I have sufficient number of un-comments telling me they’d prefer I revert back to the conventional format of the blog – two-way conversation – then I might consider fixing this site. But be quick – you have to fail to post a comment soon, else I won’t know how you feel.

This started when I tried to migrate my site from old to new web host. There was a problem with creating an add-on domain at my new host, which resulted in all sorts of quirky stuff going on. I’ll attribute the fault to me, since it’s my fault. Probably.

But we don’t do blame round here. Right now all my coding skills need are empathy, nurturing, and a trash can. I’ll let you decide which should come first.

And I promise – with all of my heart and my PHP for Dummies book – that this sorry situation will be resolved soon.

Thanks for your patience. Any comments in the meantime, on this or any of the posts you may have accidentally read, should be directed to me at dave [at] wordandmouth [dot] com.

* Maybe.

Before you ask, of course I built it that way…

I mean, to build a brand you have to be first. To take risks, right?

And my biggest risk is to alienate every reader that comes on by this charming collection of largely irrelevant posts.

It’s unfortunate enough for you that you landed here in the first place. To have comments purposefully disabled so you can’t tell me how much of your time I wasted is, well, enough to send even Solomon into apoplexic fits of rage!

I am of course referring to a ridiculous situation in which, when you post a comment, some mutant redirection ninja shows you the might of a 404 page which in turn means your comment won’t reach me.

Neat, huh?

Well I think it’ll catch on. I’ll probably do a video later showing you how to mess up your blog like I have. I really think this is the way for Web 4.0 – ignorant webmasters who don’t care what you think, but instead pour futile information down the neck of your monitor.

I’ll see how things go today. If I have sufficient number of un-comments telling me they’d prefer I revert back to the conventional format of the blog – two-way conversation – then I might consider fixing this site. But be quick – you have to fail to post a comment soon, else I won’t know how you feel.

This started when I tried to migrate my site from old to new web host. There was a problem with creating an add-on domain at my new host, which resulted in all sorts of quirky stuff going on. I’ll attribute the fault to me, since it’s my fault. Probably.

But we don’t do blame round here. Right now all my coding skills need are empathy, nurturing, and a trash can. I’ll let you decide which should come first.

And I promise – with all of my heart and my PHP for Dummies book – that this sorry situation will be resolved soon.

Thanks for your patience. Any comments in the meantime, on this or any of the posts you may have accidentally read, should be directed to me at he [at] davethackeray [dot] com.

* Maybe.